i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
