i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
