theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
