im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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