Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
