i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize