There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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