i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
