i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
