i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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