I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
