the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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