He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
