I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
