ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
