i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
