based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
