That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
