There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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