So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
