if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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