if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
