the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
