I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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