sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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