and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Can you bring me the toilet please
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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