here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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