just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
