I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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