I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
