someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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