hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
