So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
