dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
