How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
