Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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