Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
