That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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