I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
