I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
