my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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