I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
