I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
