I showed him my bush... on skype.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize