Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I would fuck him just for his dog
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