I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
