I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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