I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
