I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I love you.
Bad choice
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
