pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
