Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She needs sedatives and a leash
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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