That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize