Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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