Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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