I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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