Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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