I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
