BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
