She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize