I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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