Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
