I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
