hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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