I swear she didn't look like that last week.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
