Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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