I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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