I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
