We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
