that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
