Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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