i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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