We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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