some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
