is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
