dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
