We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
