Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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