he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize