I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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