I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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