My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
