I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
