Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
